Monday, February 23, 2009
MOVED...
OK, so if anyone reads this, I am now at LiveJournal.com and my user name is CometJakes So if oyu are over there add me as a friend, cause my blog will be there from now on
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Bad Day
You know those days that start out not so great and by the end of them it's just terrible? Yeah I had one of those today. Actually, I havent had a day this bad in a very long time, so of course I handled it gracefully. If you consider me sobbing hysterically and freaking out graceful!
I'm just glad that I had two very good friends that helped me through today. One of them was having a prety crappy day as well, but still he listened to me vent and ramble on, til I got to the point that I could deal with things and it was okay. My other friend is so much like me that it isn't even funny. Basically I am going through some health issues right now, nothing too serious yet, but it's important that I follow doctors orders and take care of myself. She threatened me that if I didnt she would come down here and take care of me herself LOL. And you know, I seriously believe she would.
The bottom line is that true friends are hard to come by in this world, so when you find them, be loyal, don't let them go, because you never know when they truly will be your rock, the one thing that gets you through that day that you are a sobbing hysterical mess.
Signing off for now, just had to thank them
CJ
I'm just glad that I had two very good friends that helped me through today. One of them was having a prety crappy day as well, but still he listened to me vent and ramble on, til I got to the point that I could deal with things and it was okay. My other friend is so much like me that it isn't even funny. Basically I am going through some health issues right now, nothing too serious yet, but it's important that I follow doctors orders and take care of myself. She threatened me that if I didnt she would come down here and take care of me herself LOL. And you know, I seriously believe she would.
The bottom line is that true friends are hard to come by in this world, so when you find them, be loyal, don't let them go, because you never know when they truly will be your rock, the one thing that gets you through that day that you are a sobbing hysterical mess.
Signing off for now, just had to thank them
CJ
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Real Me
So, I was reading apost on one of the fourms I visit this afternoon, and some of the other posts people have posted recently regarding body issues, and this got me thinking...
So, I am sharing some of my thoughts... it may be a bit long, cause once I started typing I couldnt stop LOL
I'm pretty happy with my progress so far, but still I have issues about it. Before surgery I was pretty much just round with a huge ass... and now I have a much smaller butt and actually have love handles. So while I am happy about my weight loss and the ability to buy smaller clothes, it's still freaking me out a bit because I have some flab/excess skin and I have to actually pay attention when I buy clothes now.
I've always been negative when it comes to myself. Since surgery, I have really had to fight to be positive. It has gotten easier, but still I have days where I just feel fat and like I havent made any progress at all.... But, even though I have some not so positive thoughts, for the most part I am happy, ecstatic even. This journey for me has been so much more than just losing weight. It's been about discovering who I really am, and learning to love myself, and live for me, not everyone else. This post really got me thinking about the old me, the person trapped inside that body, versus the person I am becoming, the new me, or as I like to think, the person I was always afraid of being. I spent so many years being at the beck and call of other people, never thinking I was good enough, and that is changing now, in some areas faster than others, but this is what I am starting to realize:
The real me likes to have his picture taken
The real me enjoys shopping and actually likes fashion. I spent so much time buying stuff that just fit, not really caring how it looked, cause why did it matter? Now I try to buy clothing that accents my positives, minimizes the not so great parts (like the love handles)
The real me loves to dance, whether it be in a crowded club or around the house on a Monday morning in my underwear.
The real me loves the outdoors, and actually enjoys hiking and spending the day just forgetting the world
The real me sometimes thinks he is hot and sexy, and doesnt instantly point out his flaws to himself
The real me realizes that it's ok to put myself first, and it doesnt make me selfish, just aware that I am a strong person and people shouldnt be allowed to walk all over me.
The real me doesnt need to hide behind a ton of hair. I actually like the way I look with a buzzed head much better than all the spikey mess I had for so many years
The real me isnt afraid to talk to complete strangers, because you never know if that complete stranger was meant to be a close friend or the love of your life
The real me is intelligent, funny, simple, complicated, strong, sensitive, loud at times, quiet at others, adventurous, curious
The real me appreciates where I have come from, but is not willing to live in the shadows of my past decisions
The real me has issues, like we all do. He gets sad and lonely and tries to make the most of it, because it eventually passes
The real me is artistic and creative and realizes that spending the afternoon drawing is not a waste of time
The real me thinks a lot, and that isnt a bad thing
the real me sometimes spends a day playing video games and doesnt feel guilty for doing it
The real me is incredibly talented and has proved himself to get where he is in his career
The real me loves to be organized yet isn't afraid of being spontaneous
the real me is loyal and values his friendships
The real me isn't invincible, and knows he is not Superman, and cannot be everything to everybody else. the important thing is to love myself and be the best that I can be... for me
So, I am sharing some of my thoughts... it may be a bit long, cause once I started typing I couldnt stop LOL
I'm pretty happy with my progress so far, but still I have issues about it. Before surgery I was pretty much just round with a huge ass... and now I have a much smaller butt and actually have love handles. So while I am happy about my weight loss and the ability to buy smaller clothes, it's still freaking me out a bit because I have some flab/excess skin and I have to actually pay attention when I buy clothes now.
I've always been negative when it comes to myself. Since surgery, I have really had to fight to be positive. It has gotten easier, but still I have days where I just feel fat and like I havent made any progress at all.... But, even though I have some not so positive thoughts, for the most part I am happy, ecstatic even. This journey for me has been so much more than just losing weight. It's been about discovering who I really am, and learning to love myself, and live for me, not everyone else. This post really got me thinking about the old me, the person trapped inside that body, versus the person I am becoming, the new me, or as I like to think, the person I was always afraid of being. I spent so many years being at the beck and call of other people, never thinking I was good enough, and that is changing now, in some areas faster than others, but this is what I am starting to realize:
The real me likes to have his picture taken
The real me enjoys shopping and actually likes fashion. I spent so much time buying stuff that just fit, not really caring how it looked, cause why did it matter? Now I try to buy clothing that accents my positives, minimizes the not so great parts (like the love handles)
The real me loves to dance, whether it be in a crowded club or around the house on a Monday morning in my underwear.
The real me loves the outdoors, and actually enjoys hiking and spending the day just forgetting the world
The real me sometimes thinks he is hot and sexy, and doesnt instantly point out his flaws to himself
The real me realizes that it's ok to put myself first, and it doesnt make me selfish, just aware that I am a strong person and people shouldnt be allowed to walk all over me.
The real me doesnt need to hide behind a ton of hair. I actually like the way I look with a buzzed head much better than all the spikey mess I had for so many years
The real me isnt afraid to talk to complete strangers, because you never know if that complete stranger was meant to be a close friend or the love of your life
The real me is intelligent, funny, simple, complicated, strong, sensitive, loud at times, quiet at others, adventurous, curious
The real me appreciates where I have come from, but is not willing to live in the shadows of my past decisions
The real me has issues, like we all do. He gets sad and lonely and tries to make the most of it, because it eventually passes
The real me is artistic and creative and realizes that spending the afternoon drawing is not a waste of time
The real me thinks a lot, and that isnt a bad thing
the real me sometimes spends a day playing video games and doesnt feel guilty for doing it
The real me is incredibly talented and has proved himself to get where he is in his career
The real me loves to be organized yet isn't afraid of being spontaneous
the real me is loyal and values his friendships
The real me isn't invincible, and knows he is not Superman, and cannot be everything to everybody else. the important thing is to love myself and be the best that I can be... for me
Saturday, February 7, 2009
I just found out that I can blog from my blackberry!!!!! This really excites me actually because now if I have a thought for a blog post, I don't have to wait until I get near my computer!!!So, tonight has been interesting. I had planned to curl up with a book and get to bed early, but that so did not happen. My brother called, and we got to talking. He started opening up about his addiction issues, and I tried to be supportive and non-judgemental. By the way, it is really hard to not be judgemental when somebody you love is throwing their life away. I seriously hope that he finds it within himself to change. He has to WANT to kick the habit, and nobody is going to make him change. So in the meantime I just try to be supportive and pray that he gets through this.
After I got off of the phone, I was kinda wound up so - cleaned my floors. Now I have super clean floors again lol. I think it wore me out enough so that I can get some sleep. Until later
CJ. (Blogging from my crackberry LOL)
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Friday, February 6, 2009
The World Spins Madly On...
Well, it has been a week since I have posted here, but things have been kinda hectic lately. Rather than run through my entire week, I will just go over the highlights LOL
*Have become friends with this really awesome guy, one of the sweetest men I have ever met. He's also sexy as hell, and lives on the other side of the country, but stilll... it's been awesome getting to know him.
* Spent last weekend in Phoenix visiting friends. It was a very relaxing weekend, gave me a chance to just chill out, and had some really great conversations with both of them, so it was definitely a great trip!
*Been dealing with work issues and some health stuff, but it will be okay, it always is!
*My brother is off the wagon again. Honestly it doesnt surprise me, and all I can realy do is be there for him and try to be a supportive brother. We all have our demons, and I hope he conquers his.
*Have done pretty good with working out lately, and am happy with my progress thus far
*Hit a milestone by reaching 250 lbs. I'm shocked and amazed, but ready to treach my next goal, which is to be under 200!
*reconnected with an old friend yesterday. She is going through some stuff right now, but it felt rally good to hang out with her, almost like it used to be.
So that is my week in a nutshell. It's been full of good and not so good, but I am staying positive and remembering that it does not pay to be stressed out all the time. It's not good for the body or the soul, so I am working on it.
On the agenda for this weekend is a night at home with a friend, then tomorrow night I'm hanging out with hot gym guy (whose name is Aiden) and then on Sunday it will be a day of hiking. All in all a relaxing and boring weekend, but I welcome it with open arms. Now, time for me to get a nap before I start dinner....
CJ
*Have become friends with this really awesome guy, one of the sweetest men I have ever met. He's also sexy as hell, and lives on the other side of the country, but stilll... it's been awesome getting to know him.
* Spent last weekend in Phoenix visiting friends. It was a very relaxing weekend, gave me a chance to just chill out, and had some really great conversations with both of them, so it was definitely a great trip!
*Been dealing with work issues and some health stuff, but it will be okay, it always is!
*My brother is off the wagon again. Honestly it doesnt surprise me, and all I can realy do is be there for him and try to be a supportive brother. We all have our demons, and I hope he conquers his.
*Have done pretty good with working out lately, and am happy with my progress thus far
*Hit a milestone by reaching 250 lbs. I'm shocked and amazed, but ready to treach my next goal, which is to be under 200!
*reconnected with an old friend yesterday. She is going through some stuff right now, but it felt rally good to hang out with her, almost like it used to be.
So that is my week in a nutshell. It's been full of good and not so good, but I am staying positive and remembering that it does not pay to be stressed out all the time. It's not good for the body or the soul, so I am working on it.
On the agenda for this weekend is a night at home with a friend, then tomorrow night I'm hanging out with hot gym guy (whose name is Aiden) and then on Sunday it will be a day of hiking. All in all a relaxing and boring weekend, but I welcome it with open arms. Now, time for me to get a nap before I start dinner....
CJ
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