The Real Me

So, I was reading apost on one of the fourms I visit this afternoon, and some of the other posts people have posted recently regarding body issues, and this got me thinking...

So, I am sharing some of my thoughts... it may be a bit long, cause once I started typing I couldnt stop LOL

I'm pretty happy with my progress so far, but still I have issues about it. Before surgery I was pretty much just round with a huge ass... and now I have a much smaller butt and actually have love handles. So while I am happy about my weight loss and the ability to buy smaller clothes, it's still freaking me out a bit because I have some flab/excess skin and I have to actually pay attention when I buy clothes now.

I've always been negative when it comes to myself. Since surgery, I have really had to fight to be positive. It has gotten easier, but still I have days where I just feel fat and like I havent made any progress at all.... But, even though I have some not so positive thoughts, for the most part I am happy, ecstatic even. This journey for me has been so much more than just losing weight. It's been about discovering who I really am, and learning to love myself, and live for me, not everyone else. This post really got me thinking about the old me, the person trapped inside that body, versus the person I am becoming, the new me, or as I like to think, the person I was always afraid of being. I spent so many years being at the beck and call of other people, never thinking I was good enough, and that is changing now, in some areas faster than others, but this is what I am starting to realize:

The real me likes to have his picture taken

The real me enjoys shopping and actually likes fashion. I spent so much time buying stuff that just fit, not really caring how it looked, cause why did it matter? Now I try to buy clothing that accents my positives, minimizes the not so great parts (like the love handles)

The real me loves to dance, whether it be in a crowded club or around the house on a Monday morning in my underwear.

The real me loves the outdoors, and actually enjoys hiking and spending the day just forgetting the world

The real me sometimes thinks he is hot and sexy, and doesnt instantly point out his flaws to himself

The real me realizes that it's ok to put myself first, and it doesnt make me selfish, just aware that I am a strong person and people shouldnt be allowed to walk all over me.

The real me doesnt need to hide behind a ton of hair. I actually like the way I look with a buzzed head much better than all the spikey mess I had for so many years

The real me isnt afraid to talk to complete strangers, because you never know if that complete stranger was meant to be a close friend or the love of your life

The real me is intelligent, funny, simple, complicated, strong, sensitive, loud at times, quiet at others, adventurous, curious

The real me appreciates where I have come from, but is not willing to live in the shadows of my past decisions

The real me has issues, like we all do. He gets sad and lonely and tries to make the most of it, because it eventually passes

The real me is artistic and creative and realizes that spending the afternoon drawing is not a waste of time

The real me thinks a lot, and that isnt a bad thing

the real me sometimes spends a day playing video games and doesnt feel guilty for doing it

The real me is incredibly talented and has proved himself to get where he is in his career

The real me loves to be organized yet isn't afraid of being spontaneous

the real me is loyal and values his friendships

The real me isn't invincible, and knows he is not Superman, and cannot be everything to everybody else. the important thing is to love myself and be the best that I can be... for me