Monday, February 23, 2009
MOVED...
OK, so if anyone reads this, I am now at LiveJournal.com and my user name is CometJakes So if oyu are over there add me as a friend, cause my blog will be there from now on
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Bad Day
You know those days that start out not so great and by the end of them it's just terrible? Yeah I had one of those today. Actually, I havent had a day this bad in a very long time, so of course I handled it gracefully. If you consider me sobbing hysterically and freaking out graceful!
I'm just glad that I had two very good friends that helped me through today. One of them was having a prety crappy day as well, but still he listened to me vent and ramble on, til I got to the point that I could deal with things and it was okay. My other friend is so much like me that it isn't even funny. Basically I am going through some health issues right now, nothing too serious yet, but it's important that I follow doctors orders and take care of myself. She threatened me that if I didnt she would come down here and take care of me herself LOL. And you know, I seriously believe she would.
The bottom line is that true friends are hard to come by in this world, so when you find them, be loyal, don't let them go, because you never know when they truly will be your rock, the one thing that gets you through that day that you are a sobbing hysterical mess.
Signing off for now, just had to thank them
CJ
I'm just glad that I had two very good friends that helped me through today. One of them was having a prety crappy day as well, but still he listened to me vent and ramble on, til I got to the point that I could deal with things and it was okay. My other friend is so much like me that it isn't even funny. Basically I am going through some health issues right now, nothing too serious yet, but it's important that I follow doctors orders and take care of myself. She threatened me that if I didnt she would come down here and take care of me herself LOL. And you know, I seriously believe she would.
The bottom line is that true friends are hard to come by in this world, so when you find them, be loyal, don't let them go, because you never know when they truly will be your rock, the one thing that gets you through that day that you are a sobbing hysterical mess.
Signing off for now, just had to thank them
CJ
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Real Me
So, I was reading apost on one of the fourms I visit this afternoon, and some of the other posts people have posted recently regarding body issues, and this got me thinking...
So, I am sharing some of my thoughts... it may be a bit long, cause once I started typing I couldnt stop LOL
I'm pretty happy with my progress so far, but still I have issues about it. Before surgery I was pretty much just round with a huge ass... and now I have a much smaller butt and actually have love handles. So while I am happy about my weight loss and the ability to buy smaller clothes, it's still freaking me out a bit because I have some flab/excess skin and I have to actually pay attention when I buy clothes now.
I've always been negative when it comes to myself. Since surgery, I have really had to fight to be positive. It has gotten easier, but still I have days where I just feel fat and like I havent made any progress at all.... But, even though I have some not so positive thoughts, for the most part I am happy, ecstatic even. This journey for me has been so much more than just losing weight. It's been about discovering who I really am, and learning to love myself, and live for me, not everyone else. This post really got me thinking about the old me, the person trapped inside that body, versus the person I am becoming, the new me, or as I like to think, the person I was always afraid of being. I spent so many years being at the beck and call of other people, never thinking I was good enough, and that is changing now, in some areas faster than others, but this is what I am starting to realize:
The real me likes to have his picture taken
The real me enjoys shopping and actually likes fashion. I spent so much time buying stuff that just fit, not really caring how it looked, cause why did it matter? Now I try to buy clothing that accents my positives, minimizes the not so great parts (like the love handles)
The real me loves to dance, whether it be in a crowded club or around the house on a Monday morning in my underwear.
The real me loves the outdoors, and actually enjoys hiking and spending the day just forgetting the world
The real me sometimes thinks he is hot and sexy, and doesnt instantly point out his flaws to himself
The real me realizes that it's ok to put myself first, and it doesnt make me selfish, just aware that I am a strong person and people shouldnt be allowed to walk all over me.
The real me doesnt need to hide behind a ton of hair. I actually like the way I look with a buzzed head much better than all the spikey mess I had for so many years
The real me isnt afraid to talk to complete strangers, because you never know if that complete stranger was meant to be a close friend or the love of your life
The real me is intelligent, funny, simple, complicated, strong, sensitive, loud at times, quiet at others, adventurous, curious
The real me appreciates where I have come from, but is not willing to live in the shadows of my past decisions
The real me has issues, like we all do. He gets sad and lonely and tries to make the most of it, because it eventually passes
The real me is artistic and creative and realizes that spending the afternoon drawing is not a waste of time
The real me thinks a lot, and that isnt a bad thing
the real me sometimes spends a day playing video games and doesnt feel guilty for doing it
The real me is incredibly talented and has proved himself to get where he is in his career
The real me loves to be organized yet isn't afraid of being spontaneous
the real me is loyal and values his friendships
The real me isn't invincible, and knows he is not Superman, and cannot be everything to everybody else. the important thing is to love myself and be the best that I can be... for me
So, I am sharing some of my thoughts... it may be a bit long, cause once I started typing I couldnt stop LOL
I'm pretty happy with my progress so far, but still I have issues about it. Before surgery I was pretty much just round with a huge ass... and now I have a much smaller butt and actually have love handles. So while I am happy about my weight loss and the ability to buy smaller clothes, it's still freaking me out a bit because I have some flab/excess skin and I have to actually pay attention when I buy clothes now.
I've always been negative when it comes to myself. Since surgery, I have really had to fight to be positive. It has gotten easier, but still I have days where I just feel fat and like I havent made any progress at all.... But, even though I have some not so positive thoughts, for the most part I am happy, ecstatic even. This journey for me has been so much more than just losing weight. It's been about discovering who I really am, and learning to love myself, and live for me, not everyone else. This post really got me thinking about the old me, the person trapped inside that body, versus the person I am becoming, the new me, or as I like to think, the person I was always afraid of being. I spent so many years being at the beck and call of other people, never thinking I was good enough, and that is changing now, in some areas faster than others, but this is what I am starting to realize:
The real me likes to have his picture taken
The real me enjoys shopping and actually likes fashion. I spent so much time buying stuff that just fit, not really caring how it looked, cause why did it matter? Now I try to buy clothing that accents my positives, minimizes the not so great parts (like the love handles)
The real me loves to dance, whether it be in a crowded club or around the house on a Monday morning in my underwear.
The real me loves the outdoors, and actually enjoys hiking and spending the day just forgetting the world
The real me sometimes thinks he is hot and sexy, and doesnt instantly point out his flaws to himself
The real me realizes that it's ok to put myself first, and it doesnt make me selfish, just aware that I am a strong person and people shouldnt be allowed to walk all over me.
The real me doesnt need to hide behind a ton of hair. I actually like the way I look with a buzzed head much better than all the spikey mess I had for so many years
The real me isnt afraid to talk to complete strangers, because you never know if that complete stranger was meant to be a close friend or the love of your life
The real me is intelligent, funny, simple, complicated, strong, sensitive, loud at times, quiet at others, adventurous, curious
The real me appreciates where I have come from, but is not willing to live in the shadows of my past decisions
The real me has issues, like we all do. He gets sad and lonely and tries to make the most of it, because it eventually passes
The real me is artistic and creative and realizes that spending the afternoon drawing is not a waste of time
The real me thinks a lot, and that isnt a bad thing
the real me sometimes spends a day playing video games and doesnt feel guilty for doing it
The real me is incredibly talented and has proved himself to get where he is in his career
The real me loves to be organized yet isn't afraid of being spontaneous
the real me is loyal and values his friendships
The real me isn't invincible, and knows he is not Superman, and cannot be everything to everybody else. the important thing is to love myself and be the best that I can be... for me
Saturday, February 7, 2009
I just found out that I can blog from my blackberry!!!!! This really excites me actually because now if I have a thought for a blog post, I don't have to wait until I get near my computer!!!So, tonight has been interesting. I had planned to curl up with a book and get to bed early, but that so did not happen. My brother called, and we got to talking. He started opening up about his addiction issues, and I tried to be supportive and non-judgemental. By the way, it is really hard to not be judgemental when somebody you love is throwing their life away. I seriously hope that he finds it within himself to change. He has to WANT to kick the habit, and nobody is going to make him change. So in the meantime I just try to be supportive and pray that he gets through this.
After I got off of the phone, I was kinda wound up so - cleaned my floors. Now I have super clean floors again lol. I think it wore me out enough so that I can get some sleep. Until later
CJ. (Blogging from my crackberry LOL)
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Friday, February 6, 2009
The World Spins Madly On...
Well, it has been a week since I have posted here, but things have been kinda hectic lately. Rather than run through my entire week, I will just go over the highlights LOL
*Have become friends with this really awesome guy, one of the sweetest men I have ever met. He's also sexy as hell, and lives on the other side of the country, but stilll... it's been awesome getting to know him.
* Spent last weekend in Phoenix visiting friends. It was a very relaxing weekend, gave me a chance to just chill out, and had some really great conversations with both of them, so it was definitely a great trip!
*Been dealing with work issues and some health stuff, but it will be okay, it always is!
*My brother is off the wagon again. Honestly it doesnt surprise me, and all I can realy do is be there for him and try to be a supportive brother. We all have our demons, and I hope he conquers his.
*Have done pretty good with working out lately, and am happy with my progress thus far
*Hit a milestone by reaching 250 lbs. I'm shocked and amazed, but ready to treach my next goal, which is to be under 200!
*reconnected with an old friend yesterday. She is going through some stuff right now, but it felt rally good to hang out with her, almost like it used to be.
So that is my week in a nutshell. It's been full of good and not so good, but I am staying positive and remembering that it does not pay to be stressed out all the time. It's not good for the body or the soul, so I am working on it.
On the agenda for this weekend is a night at home with a friend, then tomorrow night I'm hanging out with hot gym guy (whose name is Aiden) and then on Sunday it will be a day of hiking. All in all a relaxing and boring weekend, but I welcome it with open arms. Now, time for me to get a nap before I start dinner....
CJ
*Have become friends with this really awesome guy, one of the sweetest men I have ever met. He's also sexy as hell, and lives on the other side of the country, but stilll... it's been awesome getting to know him.
* Spent last weekend in Phoenix visiting friends. It was a very relaxing weekend, gave me a chance to just chill out, and had some really great conversations with both of them, so it was definitely a great trip!
*Been dealing with work issues and some health stuff, but it will be okay, it always is!
*My brother is off the wagon again. Honestly it doesnt surprise me, and all I can realy do is be there for him and try to be a supportive brother. We all have our demons, and I hope he conquers his.
*Have done pretty good with working out lately, and am happy with my progress thus far
*Hit a milestone by reaching 250 lbs. I'm shocked and amazed, but ready to treach my next goal, which is to be under 200!
*reconnected with an old friend yesterday. She is going through some stuff right now, but it felt rally good to hang out with her, almost like it used to be.
So that is my week in a nutshell. It's been full of good and not so good, but I am staying positive and remembering that it does not pay to be stressed out all the time. It's not good for the body or the soul, so I am working on it.
On the agenda for this weekend is a night at home with a friend, then tomorrow night I'm hanging out with hot gym guy (whose name is Aiden) and then on Sunday it will be a day of hiking. All in all a relaxing and boring weekend, but I welcome it with open arms. Now, time for me to get a nap before I start dinner....
CJ
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Fearless
(Trust me this picture has a point... just follow me here LOL) Or if you are impatient, go to the 3rd paragraph!
If you have been to my blog before, then you will notice that it probably looks a little different. There are a couple of reasons why. Before it was REALLY dark and depressing, and honestly I don't want to be surrounded by that. I want my blog to be light and happy, well to a point at least. So, that is why the colors are different. I also wanted to put more stuff about me up, so now my profile is actually filled out. It's kinda funny, but since losing weight, I don't feel the need to hide as much anymore, and I find myself doing things that I never thought I would do before.
I've met this guy recently, and I am surprised at how I am behaving around him. It's like the old me isnt even there anymore, and I have been replaced by the new Improved version of ME... a me that is confident, goes after what he wants, and isnt afraid to be himself. Now old me is still trying to get used to new me, but so far it is a good thing. And I really hope that last paragraph made sense to somebody else, cause it worked in my head LOL
I guess my point is that Life is for living. A life lived in fear is a life half lived, and how many of us have spent so much of our lives living in fear of some sort. I'm not talking about fear of the dark or snakes or whatever, but fear of stepping beyond our comfort zone? Fear of being who we always thought we were born to be? I recently heard a comment in an article from the singer Taylor Swift. She said something along the lines of "Being fearless doesn't mean that you arent' afraid... it means that you are afraid but yet you do it anyway." That's something that I have thought a lot about lately. Was I scared to strike up a conversation with this guy? yeah, I was, but I did it anyway. Don't you think at least ONE of the guys in that picture above were scared to be doing that? But yet they got past the fear and did it. That, my friends is being Fearless.
I actually didnt intend this post to be more than me babbling about how I went to bed at 9pm and couldnt sleep so woke up at 12:30am LOL But sometimes, I guess things need to be said, and so for tonight, this is what I had to say... Be Fearless, and live life, don't let it live you
CJ
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Chorus (Fishes in the Sea)
So my weekend basically sucked. I had planned to go to Mexico with my cousin, to visit some family, but of course she flaked out on me, as usual. So I stayed home all weekend and got fairly depressed, just moping around. The good thing is that I spent some time organizing the house, getting rid of some stuff that I just dont need anymore. So now my home is pretty much in order, and that is a good feeling.
Today (Monday) was a much better day. i woke up kind of cranky, but my day improved. I recieved several compliments, that were the total ego boost that my confidence needed. lately people have been telling me that I am cute, even hot, and it's starting to get to me, where I just might believe them. I'm no George Clooney, but honestly I am fairly decent looking now, and the outside is starting to match who I am inside, or at least who I am becoming.
I spent most of the day doing stuff for work, catching up on emails and ironing out details for the party celebrating the launch of our new game. I swear, there are some total idiots that work with me. The newly appointed head of special events in our PR department is a MORON!!!! She emailed me the text for the invitations, and it was a trainwreck. The spelling mistakes were bad enough, but she used the word launch in some form EIGHT times... 8... in a short paragraph. So after I picked up my jaw from the ground, I went on a rampage... then I started laughing hysterically, because seriously I think that a 5 year old could have done better in this case. Oh well, I fixed the text and now it is professional and legible, and won't make our company look like a bunch of asses. As for idiot PR girl? Let's just say she starts her new position of being an assistant again VERY soon!
I talked to my bro today, and he seems to be doing great. Honestly, for a while I was scared that I was going to lose him as well. But he has been clean and sober for almost 2 months, and I hope that this is the time that it sticks for him. I am planning on seeing him next month, when I have to go up to his city for a work assignment.
Tonight I was gonna sit at home and catch up on my DVR, but decided to go out instead. I am actually glad I did. I met this new guy that seems really cool. I may hang out with him again, dunno yet. I'm not gonna stress over it, if he calls and wants to hang out, then cool, I had fun with him and would do it again. If not, then oh well, plenty of fish in the see and all that jazz.
Well it is now after 3am, I just got home, and I seriously need to get some sleep. I took an ambien to assure that i will get more than 3 hours tonight, so lets see what time I finally wake up LOL
CJ
Today (Monday) was a much better day. i woke up kind of cranky, but my day improved. I recieved several compliments, that were the total ego boost that my confidence needed. lately people have been telling me that I am cute, even hot, and it's starting to get to me, where I just might believe them. I'm no George Clooney, but honestly I am fairly decent looking now, and the outside is starting to match who I am inside, or at least who I am becoming.
I spent most of the day doing stuff for work, catching up on emails and ironing out details for the party celebrating the launch of our new game. I swear, there are some total idiots that work with me. The newly appointed head of special events in our PR department is a MORON!!!! She emailed me the text for the invitations, and it was a trainwreck. The spelling mistakes were bad enough, but she used the word launch in some form EIGHT times... 8... in a short paragraph. So after I picked up my jaw from the ground, I went on a rampage... then I started laughing hysterically, because seriously I think that a 5 year old could have done better in this case. Oh well, I fixed the text and now it is professional and legible, and won't make our company look like a bunch of asses. As for idiot PR girl? Let's just say she starts her new position of being an assistant again VERY soon!
I talked to my bro today, and he seems to be doing great. Honestly, for a while I was scared that I was going to lose him as well. But he has been clean and sober for almost 2 months, and I hope that this is the time that it sticks for him. I am planning on seeing him next month, when I have to go up to his city for a work assignment.
Tonight I was gonna sit at home and catch up on my DVR, but decided to go out instead. I am actually glad I did. I met this new guy that seems really cool. I may hang out with him again, dunno yet. I'm not gonna stress over it, if he calls and wants to hang out, then cool, I had fun with him and would do it again. If not, then oh well, plenty of fish in the see and all that jazz.
Well it is now after 3am, I just got home, and I seriously need to get some sleep. I took an ambien to assure that i will get more than 3 hours tonight, so lets see what time I finally wake up LOL
CJ
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